Stress, the feeling of depression, suppress our mind. We don’t have the time to breathe fresh air, refresh our brains to get rid of those negative signs that are stuck in our minds.

A feeling of wanting to yell, and scream, to burst off our emotions keeps on telling us, ” Vent them out, please.”

We heard and followed this voice that tells us to do so, and give away all our madness and anxiety to the surrounding people without notice. What a relief, the madness has gone and we feel better.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain.

We yell because the madness is painful. Our body, mind, and soul could not bear the burden of it. Yelling is helping us to express our emotions — we knew it, so we do it.


We yell at certain people and don’t yell at a specific group

We barely yell at our boss as we are afraid that we will lose our job; we won’t yell at strangers because they don’t understand us; it is rare for us to yell at our colleagues because we want to maintain good relationships with them.

So who do we yell at?

We yell at the people who are the closest to us — our family members, friends, and partners.

We all know yelling at people is a negative action. But still, we are giving away our negative thoughts to the people we loved, and let them share the responsibility of bad feelings with us — which is an extremely selfish idea.

This is because a concept that is planted in our mind gives us misconceptions — they are the only group of people who will never leave us, blame us, and will accept our shortcomings.


If you don’t like it, don’t give it away

This concept is very easy to understand — even a 3-year-old kid will know it. If you don’t like something, giving this thing away to somebody else is not an ideal way.

Similarly, if you don’t like anger staying inside you, don’t give it away to people around you that you appreciate and love you.

There are a lot of ways that you can do to express your anger, rather than spreading 100℅ of your anger to an actual human.

“Yelling is damaging to relationships. It is not a constructive way to deal with a difficult situation, yet every person engages in yelling. Some more than others. You should be aware of your yelling, understand why some people are constant yellers, and also know how to deal with a yeller.” Dr. Magdalena Battles from Lifehack

Yelling brings adverse effects in a long term. Instead of letting it ruin our life, we need to fix the problems that make us yell.


Knowing the reason behind yelling to stop yelling

In reality, you are not losing your stress while you are yelling. According to the article, “The Best Way to React When Someone Is Shouting at You in Anger” written by Dr. Magdalena Battles, yelling is just a short-term way to solve a problem.

Once things get back to normal, everything will be reverted cause the mindset is not fixed and changed for self-improvement.

For example, after working and dealing with your project for a long day, the tiredness and anxiety will produce a desire to scream and shout.

If your unlucky parents come and want you to do them a favor, you will end up yelling at them, as you are suffering enough to do extra stuff.

We are humans, and we have emotions. There is no right or wrong for people to shout out their minds and unpleasant emotions, but could we do it better?

Everything can be fixed and solved as long as we can find out the reason behind it. In the case above, the reasons that are making you yell are your stress and anxiety.

So, why don’t you try another way to minimize your stress and anxiety instead of yelling at your parents, giving them the extra pressure of negativity?


Change into a larger container

This is the most common reason people feel they need to yell. The stress, anxiety, and anger are over the limit that we could handle. Our body will split out these negative emotions out of our mind to make it feel more comfortable.

Our body is like a container, and the negative emotions are the water in the container. When it is full, it will flow out of the container and go somewhere else.

The splitting of the water is a continuous process unless you move half of the water to another container, or pour the water into a larger container.

Manage your negative emotions with the TEARS of HOPE method by Sims (2017)

T = Teach and Learn

Teach ourselves to listen and understand our body, and teach our body to learn the way to manage our emotions.

E = Express and enable

Encourage ourselves to explore emotions with openness and curiosity by accepting our instincts and enabling them to be present without resentment.

A= Accept and befriend

Focus on increasing our acceptance with positive affirmations that bring us to the sphere of negative emotions into a space of acceptance.

R = Re-appraise and re-frame

Focus on reframing the emotions and trying to make a positive reaction from them instead.

S = Social support

Seeking support from someone who is facing the same problem as us to encourage ourselves the continuous proceeding.

H = Hedonic well-being and happiness

Group and categorize our happiness and unhappiness to prevent ourselves from falling into a ruminating process.

O = Observe and attend

Observe our reactions time by time to see the improvement that we have been done and attend to these reactions without judgment.

P = Physiology and behavioral changes

After observing our reactions, find out the physical and mental changes that have been occurred to our mind and body.

E = Eudaimona

At the last stage, we have found a state of being happy, healthy, and prosperous by managing our emotions.


Conclusion

Negative emotions should not a problem to fix it. In fact, we should try to deal with the stress that is brought by these negative emotions and convert them into motivations, instead of making the unhappiness replace the feeling of appreciation.

“Every day, we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed, or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.” Joel Osteen

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